A crappy weekend…

Hey everyone, this post is gonna be quite short by the way.

if you read the title and you’re just reading this to figure out why I’m feeling so crappy then I’ll tell you. it’s because my grandma, after 8 months of a horrible terminal brain cancer, has passed away.

It’s weird because even though we knew that she couldn’t be cured and that she would die, i still didn’t expect it. I don’t reallh feel that she’s gone. I just feel like she’s… still in the care home and we just can’t see her anymore. I just can’t imagine my life where she just isn’t here. You know?

She’s been such a huge part of my life since her diagnosis that it hasn’t sunk in that she’s gone. She’s gone. She’s not here. I keep telling myself this but I don’t really believe it.

I know that this probably sounds stupid but I just thought that I should tell you… if anyone is actually reading this.

❤️

New friend?

Hey people,

so at my school I have quite a close group of friends that I’ve known for like 10 years… we’ve argued so much that I honestly cannot believe we are all still best friends!

Anyways, one of my best friends has an old friend who is now joining our school. And my best friend is just saying, “I really think that she could be best friends with us!” And I just feel like… we aren’t fucking seven year olds anymore so we shouldn’t just be best friends with some random girl because she knows one of us from 4 years ago!!

i don’t know if I’m overreacting to all this and it isn’t going to be that bad… maybe I’m just on my period a bit early this month… but I feel like I’m going to be forced into a friendship with some girl that I might not even like.

Have you ever felt forced into a friendship or relationship? I really need some advice so if anyone is still reading right now, please comment! Thank you so much ❤️

See yaaaaa x

Autumn’s here!!

Hey guys!

so today I was really happy. You’re probably thinking why are you fucking happy, there’s only one day till Monday!! But no. Today I realised that Autumn is here!

so Autumn is my favourite month, I just love all the leaves and trees, and the fact that I can wear all my favourite boots and sweatshirts again.

i love the way that even though it’s cold outside, I can keep warm with  a scarf and a starbucks latte!

I know that most people prefer summer but I feel quite insecure in summer. Every girl wears shorts and skimpy tee shirts. Plus I have to shave my legs and I cannot be bothered for that!! There’s obviously no problem with a girl feeling empowered when wearing stuff like that, you know, feeling confident in their bodies. I would love to feel that way but I always feel like everyone is better than me.

Me? I love a good pair of jeans and a baggy jumper! Plus, this time of year is when all the best shows restart and new Netflix seasons start!

So what are your favourite months and seasons? Feel free to comment what you think!

see yaaaaaa x

 

 

Hello world… again

Hello world,

so I’ve got a blog

I’ve had it for a little while but I stopped being active so guess what…?

I’m backkkkkk!!

so, I’m just going to explain a bit about what I’m going to do on this site, apart from, most likely, bore you with my life.

recently a whole load of shit has gone on.

My grandma was diagnosed with an untreatable and very severe brain cancer in late January. She lived with me and my family for about 6 months but we just couldn’t look after her any longer because she could barely walk and get up anymore.

she now lives in a care home and has done for about two months. She has really changed since when she moved in there. She got to a much more serious state in her condition. The steroids she was taking started to weaken her and thin her skin, she had big bits of skin ripped because it was so delicate.

She now doesn’t ever leave her bed, she doesn’t talk and she is barely eating.

its really really hard. I don’t honestly think it’s kicked in that she isn’t going to be alive anymore. I mean she was the last person I ever thought would get sick. She’s only 69. She’s never smoked or drunk alcohol. She keeps active both physically and socially. And most of all she was the most kind person that I have ever met.

im not religious but I honestly believe that the only explanation for why she has had this horrible disease is that she was an angel on earth. She was and still is too good and kind. Maybe that fact that she’s an angel means that she gets to leave this shithole we call Earth.

 sorry this has taken a sad turn but that was why I created this. To get my feelings out. I will obviously have positive posts quite a lot too.

So yeah.

thanks for reading my droning on… if you are still reading!

please like and follow

always comment to ask questions or give advice… that’s why I started this blog too!

see yaaaa x